Carpe Diem Y’all by Michele Bernard

Writer, Texan, Semi-interested Sports Fan

Snow Day

snowflake_3d_38322.jpg“Winter is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.”  ~Robert Byrne 

 I, like most Native Texans, don’t have the survival skills to live north of the Red River.  Case in point:  Today.  It’s snowing. 

“Should we pick the kids up early from school?” I ask my neighbor, the Ohio transplant.

She laughs.

“Okay,” I reply, not convinced.

The phone rings.  It’s a recorded message from my son’s school.  “School will let out at the usual time, but it is okay if you want to pick your child up early.”

I give into the anxiety that makes me want to stop down, build a fire, and hunker down because white stuff is falling from the sky, I bundle up, jump in my truck and make my way to the school, where every other native is waiting in line with a nervous eye to the sky.

I collect my son and head for the store.  I stand in line with even more natives.  We each purchase the requisite survival gear:  eggs, biscuits, milk, and two fake logs.

Grocery sacks in hand, I brave the elements, dodge the traffic jam in the parking lot and jump in the truck.  I turn the key, then tune into the local radio station. 

“Please do not call 9-1-1 to tell us it’s snowing,” says a representive of the sheriff’s department, “We know,” he concludes, “Our phone lines are jammed and we need to free them up for you know, emergencies.”

Like I said, no survival skills.

Carpe Diem Y’all, Michele

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March 7, 2008 - Posted by | Her Royal Nerdiness, Michele's Musings, Motherhood, Parenting, Southern Humorists, Winter

5 Comments »

  1. We must be kindred spirits, Michele. I, too, hunker down when the white stuff falls here in Memphis. They’re predicting 1-3 inches for us today. Some people actually enjoy the snow. I just yearn for July.

    Comment by ldaley | March 7, 2008 | Reply

  2. You forgot the BREAD!

    I’ve never been able to figure out why, when the forecast calls for ice or snow in Texas, EVERYONE immediately heads for the nearest grocery store–wherein even the most ardent Adkins dieters are seemingly struck by the sudden urge to buy 18 loaves of WHITE bread. What are folks doing with all that bread? It would be so nice if SOMEBODY would leave a loaf for me. Just once.

    Comment by totallyskewed | March 7, 2008 | Reply

  3. Oops. That should have been “Atkins” dieters. I always get those names confused.

    Comment by totallyskewed | March 7, 2008 | Reply

  4. Bundle up Laverne! And Diana – of course I forgot the bread – another sure sign of no survival skills. Peace, M:)

    Comment by Michele | March 8, 2008 | Reply

  5. its amazing how fast people start to panic.

    Comment by Survival Bill | June 25, 2008 | Reply


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